Creative Comedy Project

Vegan and the Vegetarian By Anila Syed

"Ve-gan!" It was Jam's voice. "Veeegaaan! Come down here! A cat needs our help!" She sounded desperate.

"I'm not playing with you anymore, Vegetarian," Gina shouted, leaning out of her bedroom window with her hair in curlers.

Jamila was shocked. Her cardboard facemask slipped down to her chin.

"What do you mean?" she yelled. "Why not?"

"Samantha Harris said her mum saw your mum buying burgers in Tescos!" Gina shouted.

"So what?"

The burgers had been delicious. Jamila's mum had said if you didn't buy it from a butcher's, it didn't really count as meat. She said that supermarket burgers were OK to eat if you were a vegetarian.

"So that means you're not a real vegetarian are you?"

"I yam!" Jamila shouted back. She stood up. The cat, spotting an opportunity, ran off, happy to be free from under the scabby knee that had been pinning it down.

Vegan and the Vegetarian. Gina and Jamila. They had been friends forever since nursery.

"Gina! I am a vegetarian!" Jamila ran across the road and held up the broccoli face mask she had made that morning so they could play superheroes and go animal-rescuing.

"Samantha Harris is a stupid poo!" Jamila shouted at the top of her lungs.

"No I'm not!" came a voice from an open window in the house next door to Gina's.

"You take that back, Jam! You're a smelly poo face! My mum saw your mum buying burgers."

Jamila's stomach wobbled. Was Samantha Harris coming down? Samantha Harris was Jamila's bully. She never bullied anyone else, just her. If Samantha Harris had been in a comic, she would have had a Neanderthal brow, a jutting chin and a wooden drumstick club with nails hammered into it.

Jamila started to back away from the houses, ready to run.

"You take that back!" she heard, even before she saw her bully. "You take it back that I'm smelly. YOU’RE smelly, Jamila! Everything about you is smelly!”

Jamila gulped.

Before she could run away, she heard a roaring noise from deep inside the house in front of her.. Samantha Harris was running straight at her, eyes blazing, fists clenched.

Jamila screamed, tripped over the pavement and scraped her knee. This is it, she thought. I'm dead now.

She closed her eyes, ready for the battering.

Please let her be sick, Jamila prayed. Please let a bus run her over.

She opened one eye a tiny bit. Nope, she was still running towards her.

But what was this? There was a shadow behind her. A shadow with curlers and a flowing cloak.

“You stay away from her!”

It was Vegan. Vegan to the rescue!

Vegan, aka Gina, was bigger than Samantha Harris. She pushed Samantha, hard and then reached a hand down to Jamila, the sequins in her cabbage mask glinting in the sun.

“Vegan!” Jamila said, “Thanks!”

“No worries, Vegetarian,” Gina said, grinning. “Come on, let’s go and find that cat.”

Vegan and Vegetarian, Gina and Jamila. Best friends forever.


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