Creative Comedy Project

Jungle By Emma Corcoran

Mockumentary. Interview with old man, volunteering and living in Calais.



BILL: When I first got here, I were very disappointed.



Why? Well, it weren’t what I were expecting at all.

(beat)

I thought it were going to be like int’ third world



JOURNALIST: (to camera) He can’t say that, we’re going to have to edit-



BILL: -S, sorry, love, Africa, thought it were Africa I were coming to.



JOURNALIST: You thought Africa was 20 miles across the Channel?



BILL: Oh, you make me sound right daft now.



It might sound silly to you, love. But I’d never even been abroad before!



I read there were lots of people with no shoes, no houses, no food. I thought, it’s got to be just like int’ Africa.



JOURNALIST: Are you referring to images circulated by the media?



BILL: It looked like people were living in desperation. You know like Live Aid and all that in the 80s? And so I thought it were gonna be one of those really hot places with deserts and camel rides and elephants.



I mean it’s called ‘The Jungle’, for heaven’s sake!



So I thought, I’m going to be like that lad, Bob Geldof; help a few folk out and get a bit of sun.



JOURNALIST: How did you find the resources to move?



BILL: I sold everything, I campaigned for months.



JOURNALIST: In your local area?



BILL: I’m from t’ North, Miss. Folk kept giving me their old clothes. I didn’t think they were for people to wear. I thought it were for feeding goats or summit like that. I packed about 4 litres of Ambre Solaire.



JOURNALIST: Have you attempted to return to the UK?



BILL: Thought about it, I have.



Course, soon as I realised I couldn’t bring anyone back with me I were outraged. Absolutely outraged.



JOURNALIST: Are you referring to tightening on immigration control?



BILL: Tightening immi- is that how you call it?



Do you know how many people are killed every day just trying to get on t’ bloody train? There’s a train takes you right back to England, never set foot on it, never will.



JOURNALIST: Would you say there’s a sense of solidarity here?



BILL: …..Suppose I’d say it’s…. it’s survival. That’s what it is.

(Pause)

You know my father, he fought just 15 miles from here, during Second World War. Nearly lost his leg, he did. And his father, he died in the trenches here too, only 40 minutes away.



JOURNALIST: So you feel a connection to this area?



BILL: I’ll tell you love, my father, his father- they didn’t fight in t’ wars just for men to die ont’ side of that road like that for no good reason. They’d be ashamed.

(gravely) People don’t think, they don’t realise- what’s happening here- int’ France. Int’ Europe, for God’s sake.



SCENE OUTTAKE

BILL: Tell you what love, don’t take this harsh, I had hoped they’d send over that Bono.


see more submissions for the Creative Comedy Project click here