Creative Comedy Project
Dreaming of home! By Nicola Gardner
4 African-Caribbean Pensioners are sitting in a community centre lounge having tea & shooting the breeze
BRO LEROY: No bother look at me dominoes Myers, me still going to beat you!
BRO MYERS: How can I look at your dominoes when I’m over here? Yu think me have X-ray vision?
SIS RICHARDS: I had a lovely dream last night. I dreamt I was back home, playing in de yard.
BRO LEROY: (PAUSE) Back home? Back home where?
SIS RICHARDS: Antigua of course.
BRO MYERS: Small island people. Jamaica is de Rock. De big one!
SIS RICHARDS: Antigua & Barbuda is my home. Oh boy, I miss it you see.
BRO LEROY: Barbooda? Where de hell is dat anyway?
SIS RICHARDS: Twenty-three miles from Antigua. 10 minutes by plane or one and a half hours by ferry.
BRO LEROY: Barbooda? (KISSES TEETH)... You ever been dere?
SIS RICHARDS: Er, no. You know I was born in Antigua & I came to England when I was a young girl.
BRO LEROY: Well how de hell can you say you come from dere?
SIS RICHARDS: Well I don’t come from Barbuda. I come from Antigua & Barbuda. Dat’s de name of de state. It’s a two island state man!
BRO LEROY: Well drop de Barbooda. Nobody know what de bloody hell you talking about. Barbooda me backside!
SIS RICHARDS: Well I really miss my country. I don’t care what you say.
BRO MYERS: Well what’s stopping you going back Sis Richards? We’ll do a whip round for your air fare and get you a one way ticket. (EVERYONE EXCEPT SISTER RICHARDS LAUGHS)
BRO LEROY: Shouldn’t cost too much. Can’t imagine many people wanting to go to...
BRO LER & BRO MYERS: Antigua & Bar-booo-da ....(TOGETHER, OVER PRONOUNCE NAME)
SIS RICHARDS: Well me home is here now.
BRO LEROY: Woman, dere’s no pleasing you! You didn’t hear what Brother Myers say? Just say de word and we’ll send you back. In fact, forget Antigua, we’ll just send you straight to Barbooda; give you a different experience. You can make some new friends since you all come from de same two island state.....
SIS RICHARDS: (IRRITATED) I didn’t say I wanted to go back and live dere, I just miss it!
SISTER JOHNSON: Brother Leroy, Brother Myers, behave yuselves! Sis Richards, ignore dem, yu hear. Dem always talk stupidness! (SISTER JOHNSON KISSES TEETH)
BRO LEROY: Yes we stupid fi true....for listening to you two.
see more submissions for the Creative Comedy Project click here